Heading West - Indiana

June 4th 2020

We’re pulling out of the drive way at 12:10 Pm. Ten minutes late, but 30 minutes early on a Hartel clock. It’s a straight shot to Colorado. Route 70 with the sun in your eyes for 1,600 miles. Somehow we screw it up the first chance we get right around Cumberland, MD. It’s a super familiar stretch of road for us. This is our camping spot, Green Ridge State Park, but we miss the freaking exit because Navigator 1 is chatting away instead of checking the map! I should have followed my instincts! No worries, this way will get us there just as quick. It’s the northern pass though the Alleghany Mountain Tunnel up around Pittsburgh.

Miles, Captain Comfortable, is sprawled out in the back and we forget he’s there until he weasels his way onto the bedding. I guess dogs particularly like the pregnancy pillows. Did I mention my wife is pregnant for this trip? Yup about 5 months worth of pregnant, traveling across the country, dodging the Covid, and camping underneath the stars. (We have a big ass moon roof. We're sleeping in the car.) [PRODUCT PLACEMENT: The 2017 Kia Sorento allows both back rows of seat to fold down into what could be considered just a step down from the Regency Hyatt.] Yea, that’s my wife!

A creative soul knows no such thing as convenience, so when it’s time for me to record my newly launched sports podcast, The Simple Minds Sports Show, Ingrid hops in the drivers seat as we approach Columbus, OH. Almost immediately the radio, yes we still listen to the actual radio like a couple of olds, blares out a severe weather warning “for the following Ohio counties” (Sirens start blasting off. Jesus we get it. Beware of rain and wind. No one has launched yet right?, obligatory Ohio radio station?)

“Well look hun, stay straight, eyes up, take it easy, you got this. I have to go talk bullshit into an iphone about Tom Brady. God speed.”

As we break through one storm we find ourselves in the midst of another more confusing and potentially more dangerous one. Apparently Western Ohio did not get the message that there’s this disease wiping out non mask wearing sons of bitches world wide. It was as if 2020 had yet to rear it’s ugly head in this part of the country. I honestly felt like I needed to remove my mask in certain areas just to get service. This is not a blog where we aspire to speak about politics. However, I will be the first to recognize and call out rampant stupidity where I see fit. This place felt like there was a lot of guns tucked away in draw strings though so I waited for the safety of a keyboard and the cock pit of the Sorento before spouting off. Wear a mask fools!

Luckily masks or no masks the sweeping thunderstorms left a dramatic sky for a beautiful sunset as we crossed into Indiana. Lieber State Recreation Area is just a little Southwest of Indianapolis. We wont reach it before dark so we take in the view from Sweet Sangria (That’s what we call the car.)

Lieber State Recreation area is a quick 10 minutes off the highway. The road into the state park is dark and lined with forest, but the moon is so bright we barely need headlights. It’s one of the biggest moons I have ever seen. It truly acted as a street lamp at the campsite we would settle at. Gorgeous.

Our first state park ambassador is a young kid manning the gate. It’s about 10Pm. He’s surprised to see us and shut down the register already so he thinks he does the nice thing and lets us in for free. Apparently that’s not protocol. We’d get a visit a bit later looking cash.

Next up is a young girl at the campground. She is friendly as all get out. Two arms full of tattoos wearing and a light brown short sleeve park shirt that every single park in America seems to issue. She gives us a map and marks some open sites. Basically all of them.

An aside: Campground maps need to work on their scaling. There is a site on the map that looks nice and secluded not far from the bathrooms. Well, it’s not far from the bathrooms, but it’s also just in the middle of a field they are calling camp sites. No matter, we are basically the only ones here and at 10:30 at night I don’t think we are in danger of being inundated with any neighbors.

Here’s the thing with sleeping in a car. No matter what car it is, it’s going to be stuffy. It’s my main concern. You don’t want to be sharing this tin chateau with me when I start beading up in all the wrong places. Luckily, as I mention we are basically in the four seasons for vehicle sleeping arrangements. Unfortunately and apparently, dogs or Miles aka “your highness” has standards a little higher the The Four Seasons.

At about 2am I feel the sweet slip of R.E.M sleep settling in. Our mattress pads are set up, both sleeping bags provide extra cushion, Ingrid has packed a Marshmallow Man level of pillows to handle the pregnant discomforts, I mean it’s plush. The windows cracked and we even has semi screens; the baby shades some cars have. This will do.

Well La Dee Da, Mr. Miles needs to make a scene! I am woken up to panting from this dog as if were being dragged across the desert by Moses himself!

It’s an instant freak out!

“What’s going on?” “Is he okay?” “What’s happening!”

“I have no freaking clue!” “I was just dreaming of blasting the Michelin Man to kingdom come with the Ghost Busters!” “Let me open the windows.”

I pretzel myself up to the driver’s seat and navigate around “The box”. The box is a package of goods we are escorting cross country to my very grateful brother in law. It instills nearly zero inconvenience to us on our trip, so of course it’s the most frustrating thing I have dealt with in a good long while. Well wouldn’t you know it this GD box is in the way of me tapping the ignition! I survive the ordeal with barely a scratch, but in the chaos of this box duel I have lit up the entire camp ground with light! Thank god we cheeped out on the alarm system.

With the grace of whoever is holy the lights dim and I grab Miles some water. Miles, remember him? Still Panting like a Husky after the Iditarod. “Here’s some water you pyscho.” He spills it all over my legs.

The windows get cranked all the way down and Ingrid shares the Queen’s bed with her beloved closer to the window. Her other beloved (me), I cram up on the cup holder and stick my head out the slightly a-jarred door.

“Goodnight, love you.”

Morning is here pretty damn quick. “We’re on to Kansas City.”